Jason and I drove around Lakeland yesterday afternoon looking at a few customers houses and lots, sharing memories of Lakeland. "I remember's" and "so and so used to live here" kinda talk. It was fun.
I live in a small apartment, in town, which I love. The kids share a room, which works fine. I am not complaining. I think though once you accept what you have and you are content with that you put what you dream to have aside. I don't think that's a bad thing, necessarily. You cannot allow those longings to take over or you become discontent and it turns into envy or bitterness, but to ignore them is to almost let a part of you die. It seems to me that's why when you see something you could have, one day, it starts to open you up again.
I want at least a 3 bedroom house for the kids to have their own space. Nora doesn't really have any girl toys or decorations in her room and I'd really like to give her that. I saw this purple shag rug that was too cute at Sam's and there is this toy shelf thing at Ikea I'd like to get for Noah. Simple things. No big deal really. I have a few pictures on my walls at home, but my bedroom is a little sparse. There is a vanity at Ikea I'd love to have and some canvas prints at Target I liked. I would like to make my own prints though. I don't think it makes me materialistic or perhaps it does. In my mind, your home is your sanctuary and a place that is uniquely yours. Maybe I have neglected it and myself for a little while and the dream building we did awakened that in me again.
Lots of stuff going on; Patrick's military crap, school for me soon and having the kids by myself full-time will change a lot of things personally. I maybe see myself disappearing in the needs of my children and the demands of school. There won't be a lot of time to give Jason and that makes me sad. School will be a big sacrifice, but hopefully a lot will be gained from the discipline of studies. I really look forward to using my brain again. :o) There is a lot of ways life could go right now and I'm trying to be flexible without losing myself. We'll see.
I found a book at the elibrary titled Love; quotes and passages from the heart by B. C. Aronson. Here are a few of my favorite favorites.
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems to short"
- Andre Maurois
"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person."
- W. Somerset Maugham
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit" - Peter Ustinov
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Mae West
"I sold my memoirs of my life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it."
- Woody Allen
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned" - William Congreve
"There is no reciprocity (res-uh-pros-ity). Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters."
- Alice Thomas Ellis
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." - A. Whitney Brown
"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." - Martin Luther King Jr.
"Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here." - Marianne WIlliamson
""Love your neighbor as yourself, but don't take down the fence." - Carl Sandburg
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
- Lao Tzu
Jason and a few of his friends have their Concealed Weapons Permit. Which means they are legally allowed to carry a weapon around in public. This to me, seems almost like a secret society. I was told by one of these friends that if we went to the mall together he could probably point out the majority of people "carrying". Only someone who carries would know what to look for.
Jason is on the road a lot and goes to bad areas and strangers houses. I respect his need to protect himself and know that he is Mr. Safety especially when it comes to guns. I am wondering though, if carrying gives you a heightened sense of danger. Jason also carries a wicked knife he got from his sister in Iraq. I recently ran down to the laundry mat by myself and just felt the need to have a knife, for example, with me, "just in case". I have also started working for Jason part-time and his office is located in Auburndale in a not so safe part of town where I am usually alone. If someone, intending to harm me were to come into his office I would have no way of truly protecting myself, which is pretty scary when you think about it. I am guessing that most people just don't think about it. We live in a bubble where we think we are safe and that bad things happen to other people, not us. Is this a heightened sense or a healthy sense? Do we feel in control when we have a weapon on hand and out of control when we don't? Do we feel naked and unprotected once we know we can do something about this potential danger? Can I get a purple and black gun? All things worth pondering on...
Jason and I went to the gun show at the Lakeland Center this passed Sat. I have never been and Jason was looking for a specific holster. I have been to the gun range with him a couple of times, but did not know what to expect.
We get there and it is basically a huge room full of rednecks, gangsters, and vendors along with their children. A lot of them appropriately dressed in camouflage or their favorite leather jacket, complete with patches. There was a variety of guns from old war rifle's to new handguns reminisce of Charlie's Angels 2 and Demi Moore. There was also jewelry, beef jerky and knives/swords. The throwing knives caught my eye and reminded me of an afternoon in the front yard with an old friend of mine.
We finally got to the "Glock" table. Where they had a few items, but nothing that suited Jason's needs. He also showed me the laser he'd like to get and I got to handle a 27 like Jason has, but with the extended clip, which I like better. It was an interesting afternoon. I think Jason enjoyed my interest and it definitely inspired me to go back to the gun range!
One thing I thought interesting was I found out that my aunt used to go to the gun shows with Dan, her ex-husband and my mom has a specific gun in mind that she'd like to own.
I hope to take a class for more education about safety and handling the gun and at some point in the future, Jason will take Noah out to the gun range and teach him and hopefully give him a healthy fear of guns.
"hey you, I like your gun..."
We have the potty, we have the training pants, we have a willing little girl, but no pee.
Nora wants to sit on the potty, but then she says "nope!" and is done and wants to get down and then wants to get back up on the potty and then wants to get down repeat repeat repeat. Yay! Potty training.
Although almost every day at Six Apart is Take Your Dog to Work Day, Friday was extra special because it was the official Take Your Dog to Work Day! Plus, as lovers of blogs and animals, we think it's great that active blogger and Human Society's President and CEO, Wayne Pacelle, thinks having dogs around the office is a good reminder of "who we're working for."
We realize some people have it ruff and aren't lucky enough to be able to bring their dog to work, but hopefully these pictures taken at Six Apart last Friday will get your tails wagging... And let me tell you, it's harder than it looks to get all the doggies and their fetching owners in one picture.
We also enjoyed ice cream, of course, and I found out Jason doesn't like pretzels. hmm and I thought I was different for liking unsalted pretzels. Still learning new things and loving it and him. :o)
For those of us in the northern hemisphere, today is the summer solstice. For ancient civilizations, this day was akin to our modern day New Year's Eve and was viewed as a time to reflect and renew. So why not kick off your summer celebration with a new theme?
See all of our themes in the Design Area.
Or choose from one of these brand-new themes. (Available under "New.")
I went in to work on Monday, happy because it was payday and left shocked, crying and angry. I no longer work for Perspectives Photo Artistry, Inc. What it boils down to is money. They have increased their overhead to 5x as much as they were paying and not so much their profit. It is slow coming especially considering they moved at the beginning of their slow season... They also need someone who has my personality and also my opposite personality working for them, so Sam is going to do it all and I am breathing a sigh of relief while hyperventilating because I have no job.
In case you didn't notice or care, the job market sucks. I do not have an education or skills beyond customer service, so the jobs I can get are limited. Starbucks is my comfort zone, but I hesitate to go back there for the millionth time.
School has been in the forefront of my mind for months. I have been trying to figure out how I can finish my A.A. and work and take care of the kids. I also have a settlement (from my accident in Sept 07) that should come through in the next few weeks. I doubt it will be huge, but it will be money. MY bills are low. I don't have a car or credit cards, so rent, electric and phone are about it, except for necessities.
I have looked into Hillsborough Community College and have started the steps to attend there in the fall. My thinking is that I can work to pay most of my bills, coast a little with my settlement and go to school full-time+. I have 18 credits and am hoping to be finished with my A.A by spring of 2010. Having that piece of paper will open more doors for me in the job market doing what I enjoy. Making a living instead of just getting by. I'll start walking in this direction and see what's what. Some people say we plan and God laughs, but I think he wants us to start walking because it's easier to steer something actually moving.
I went on Sunday just before it rained to the park with the kids. We took a little walk down the wooden walkways and I got them to take a pic with me. We had a good time looking for alligators and finding turtles. I love Sundays.
